I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
