So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
