she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
