There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
