She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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