I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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