My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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