just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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