Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
