He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
