I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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