everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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