Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
