At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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