you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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