Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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