Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
