I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
