So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
