Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
