So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
