You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
