Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
