Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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