After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
