it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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