Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
