her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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