Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Alive.
So much puke
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
