I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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