Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
