we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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