trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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