If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
