I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
