i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
