I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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