we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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