i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
