How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
