Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
