You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
