So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
