Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
