this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
