Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
