white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
