I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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