Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
