you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
