JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
